“I Think Something’s Wrong With Me” – Mental Health, Trauma, and the Journey Back to Self

"I think something's wrong with me. No, I ain't alright. 

I need help. 

Somebody please help me."

Five years ago, I couldn't even think of these words, let alone write them. Why? Because mental health issues—especially for men and Black men—were hidden under layers of shame, silence, and stigma. You didn't talk about it. That all changed after COVID-19.

When the World Got Sick

During the pandemic, the world got a raw, unfiltered look at how fragile our minds are. People broke, jumped, and disappeared inside themselves. Pro athletes—seen as the epitome of strength—began opening up. Workers found it hard to function in post-COVID environments. But COVID didn't make us sick. It revealed what was already there.

Anger. Depression. Addiction. Loneliness. Pain. Humanity had been quietly bleeding out.

And that includes me.

Burying the Pain

I grew up with trauma and didn't even know it. I buried it deep. I struggled with addiction, dark thoughts, and invisible battles in my head. I was depressed and had no idea. At times, I felt so alone; death seemed like a better option.

Then, in 2008, I lost my father. Three months later, my mother passed too. I missed both funerals. No goodbyes. No hugs. No closure. Just silence. They were my world—and they were suddenly gone.

I flew back to Japan, where I had lived for 12 years, only to be met with lukewarm condolences from people I worked with. I was devastated.

That's when everything I had suppressed for over 40 years erupted like a volcano: the trauma, the grief, the anger, the pain. I was drowning.

The Mental Health Stigma Is Real

As a man—especially a Black man—I was taught to "man up," "tough it out," and avoid therapy like the plague. "Black people don't need therapy," I heard. "That's for white folks."

So, like many others, I suffered in silence.

Then the stress took its toll—I got stomach cancer. Thankfully, I caught it early. But after surgery, something shifted in me. I said: No more. I had survived, and now I had to heal.

Therapy Saved My Life

I used the money I would've spent on junk food, games, over spending and other distractions to invest in therapy. It wasn't cheap, but it was worth every yen. Think of it as an investment in your future self.

Therapy is tough. It's uncomfortable. Sometimes, you outgrow your therapist and need to switch. I did. But that's part of the process.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression and given medication. It helped—but it came with side effects. I don't recommend long-term meds without medical supervision. Always seek professional guidance.

From Sick Bay to Warrior Mode

After a year in therapy, my two therapists told me I had made tremendous progress. Through journaling, exercising, eating better, meditating, setting boundaries, and confronting my past—I was healing.

I was finally ready to leave the sick bay and return to my royal mount.

(Not to slay dragons… but maybe to help a few along the way.)

Why I Created I Am King

I Am King is my baby. This blog is my outlet, my journal, my art. It's where I release the pain and help someone else through theirs.

This isn't about toxic masculinity or domination. When I say "master your domain, master yourself," I mean becoming the ruler of your inner world. Owning your healing. Taking back control of your story.

No one deserves to live in pain. And if this blog helps even one reader take a step toward healing, I've done my job.

Final Words

We'll keep revisiting these themes. Healing isn't a one-time event—it's a journey. Repetition is how we learn what works for us.

I've got your back.

Stay royal. Stay regal. May your reign last a thousand years.

— Omar Sanda

Further Reading & Resources

If you're going through something, you're not alone. Here are some resources that can help:

• BetterHelp – Affordable online therapy with licensed professionals
• Therapy for Black Men – A space for Black men to find mental health support
• Mind (UK-based) – Mental health support and education
• National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI) – Education and advocacy in the U.S.
• To Write Love On Her Arms – Support for people struggling with depression, addiction, and self-injury