Love or LIMERANCE (Illusion)? How to Spot the Difference and Reclaim Your Heart

I know what you're thinking — another entry about feelings! Well, indeed. A real King, a modern King, deals with issues head-on and doesn't sweep them under the royal Persian rug or drink himself into denial. He grabs the bull and the horn.

And also because it’s a topic near and dear to my heart. I've been there. And I don't know too many Kings who haven’t at one point dealt with it: LIMERENCE.

Love can lift you up, but loneliness can trap you.
Both feel intense, passionate, and consuming — but only one leads to real connection, growth, and emotional safety.

So, what is LIMERENCE?

Coined by psychologist Dorothy Tennov, limerence is obsessive infatuation.

It’s not love — it’s an emotional addiction where your mood, mind, and self-worth revolve around whether or not someone likes you back.

In today’s world of ghosting, social media stalking, and fantasy-fueled attraction, it’s easy to confuse limerence for love. But the stakes are high. Limerence can derail your focus, wreck your self-esteem, and trap you in toxic patterns.

Limerence: Red Flags

  • Obsessive thoughts about someone you don’t truly know

  • Mood swings based on their attention or absence

  • Idealizing them while ignoring red flags

  • Desperate need for validation

  • Neglecting your life and goals chasing a feeling

Real Love: Green Flags

  • Emotional security, not chaos

  • Mutual respect and shared effort

  • Growth over fantasy

  • Reality, not projection

  • Stable connection, not emotional highs

Why We Fall Into Limerence

  • Unhealed trauma or neglect makes us chase fantasy validation

  • Anxious attachment makes us crave closeness but fear loss

  • Life changes or loneliness leave us wide open

  • Social media fuels illusions of connection

Real Talk: You Might Be in Limerence If…

  • You stalk their IG and decode every emoji

  • You feel high after a text, crushed when they ghost

  • You fantasize about "saving" or fixing them

  • You fear rejection more than you love the real them

How to Break Free

  1. Admit it's limerence, not love

  2. Cut contact — block, unfollow, mute if needed

  3. Use CBT tools or mindfulness to break obsessive thought loops

  4. Journal your feelings — unfiltered

  5. Invest in yourself — reconnect with friends, goals, hobbies

  6. Get therapy if trauma or patterns go deep

  7. Stop romanticizing their absence. You deserve presence.

Final Word: You Are Not Broken

You're not "crazy" or weak.
Limerence is real. It's human. But it doesn’t define you.
You’re worthy of love — not obsession.

Choose the kind that sees you. Holds you. Helps you grow.


Until then,

Stay royal, Stay Regal, and may your reign last a thousand year.

Omar Sanda


Helpful Links and Sources
Zencare: Limerence vs Love
Dorothy Tennov's Book – Love and Limerence
Psychology Today: Limerence vs Obsession
Heidi Priebe’s YouTube Breakdown
CBT Tools for Obsessive Thoughts
Free Attachment Style Quiz
Helen Fisher on the Science of Love
Living With Limerence: How to Heal
Anna Runkle – Crappy Childhood Fairy YouTube
TherapyDen – Free Online Therapy Directory

Comments

  1. SteveJuly 20, 2025 at 12:25 AM

    Limerance is a natural thing, especially when we’re younger. But if we’re not careful, it really can get out of control. And social media can make it easier to plunge down that rabbit hole and harder to get back to reality. Thanks for the really interesting article.

    ReplyDelete

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